The Myth of The One

“Pastor Alan, how can I really know if she’s ‘The One’?” asks a twenty-something single in a serious relationship.

He really likes her. Thinks she’s hot. But he thought he’d feel differently that he does. He assumed he would be overwhelmed by emotion. Relative to his expectation, he’s somewhat underwhelmed. Months ago, early in the relationship, he was consumed with thoughts of her. They stayed up into the wee hours of the morning talking on the phone. Holding her hand for the first time gave him goose-bumps on his goose bumps.

Now things are different. He knows her story. Holding hands is very comfortable. Little idiosyncrasies that used to be cute are now slightly annoying. She’s starting to drop hints about their future. She wants to know where this is headed. She’s become his best friend but he’s feeling pressured to commit and isn’t sure he’s ready.

Is she the one?

Only you can decide that, young man. Until you’re married, there is no “the one”. It’s a myth. You don’t have a soul mate until you mate another soul. There is no one person that you’re fated to be with.

We’ve all been to that wedding. The one where we all know that the two people standing up there exchanging vows have no business getting married to each other. But they exchange vows. They enter covenant. At that moment, against all sound wisdom, they each become “the one” for the other. Not because of fate. Because of choice. At that moment where each says “I will” they each become “the one.” They become God’s will for each other for the rest of their lives. You don’t need to know if she’s the one. You need wisdom. You need to choose. That’s God’s will. God’s will is for you to have a will, otherwise he wouldn’t have given you one. Exercise your will.

That’s how it works. If you’re married, you’ve found “the one.” If you’re single, you haven’t. If you’re in a relationship, the only way for them to become “the one” is for you to choose them and for them to choose you back. The beauty of covenant is that you get to choose one another every day. I’ve been married to “the one” for 18 years now. I’d choose her again today. As a matter of fact, I do choose her again today. She wouldn’t have it any other way.



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